The Hitwoman Gets Caught: A Comical Crime Caper by JB Lynn

Author:JB Lynn [Lynn, JB]
Language: eng
Format: epub

18

There was no activity at the home of Berniece or Coco or whatever her name was. It was a nondescript house, in a personality-free suburban neighborhood. It was the kind of place where neighbors kept their blinds drawn and their doors locked.

“Doesn’t look like a bank robber’s lair,” Nate remarked.

When we’d arrived at the address, he’d reached into the glove box and pulled out a pair of mini binoculars, which he’d promptly handed to me. Then, he’d tilted his seat back and closed his eyes. He’d been still for exactly sixty minutes before he spoke.

With the lenses pressed against my face, I murmured my agreement.

There were no lights on in the house, no television running, and in the hour we’d been there, I hadn’t spotted the slightest flicker of movement.

“She’s not there,” I decided aloud. “I’m going in.”

“Finally,” Rowdy exclaimed in exasperation from where she was curled up on my lap beside the cat. “Something to do.”

Piss promptly swatted the raccoon’s nose.

“Hey!” Rowdy complained with teenage angst.

The hair on Piss’s neck stood on end. “You’re the one who volunteered to come along. We’re not here for entertainment.”

Nate watched the animals squaring off on my lap with interest, but didn’t say anything.

“We’re going in,” I repeated.

“Whoa, whoa,” Nate said, raising his hands defensively. “I’m a tail, not a co-conspirator.”

“Not you,” I told him. “Us.” I waved my hand in a circle to encompass the cat and raccoon.

“Oh,” he mocked. “That we.”

“If you hadn’t insisted on driving, you could leave so nobody could name you as a co-conspirator,” I reminded him, opening the truck door.

“Griswald is gonna kill me,” he muttered. “Take these.” He rummaged in the panel in his door and pulled out a pair of latex gloves.

“How come you’re never that prepared?” God asked.

“Thanks,” I murmured to Nate, snatching the fingerprint disguisers from him.

“Be careful,” he urged.

“Toot the horn a couple times if the cops show?” I requested.

He rolled his eyes. “That’s your plan for not getting caught?”

Piss and Rowdy jumped to the ground, and I slid out after them. “You guys check out the back,” I requested as we walked toward the house. While they ran around the building, I marched up to the front door like I was a law-abiding citizen and rang the bell.

While standing there, pretending to wait for the door to be answered, I noted that Detective Brian Griswald had left his business card stuffed into the door. Since it was still there, I deduced that the door hadn’t been used in a while.

“Rowdy’s inside,” Piss reported, running up to me.

“What?”

“The kitchen window was cracked open, so she let herself in,” the cat explained.

“I wish she could let me in,” I muttered.

I glanced in the direction of Nate, waiting in the truck, thinking I should have asked if I could borrow his lockpicking kit.

“It’s a big kitchen window,” Piss informed me.

“This should be interesting,” God mocked.

“Oh, shut up,” I muttered, following the cat around the house.

Thankfully, she hadn’t been exaggerating about the kitchen having a large window.

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